Th'Muse

What’s in My Toolbox?

2012-01-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

Ten Specific Tools to assist in

positive mood, motivational and connection changes.

Measuring Tape: ^aYour ABC’s. Each of us have things that go wrong in life. We are affected by Adversary. What we Believe about the cause, will form our Consequences. For three days (or until you have five examples) write down A- Your adversarial event. B – Your belief about why the event occurred and C – The Consequence for you because of the event. For example: A – You called your friend, and left a message, but they didn’t return your call. B – “They didn’t call me back because. . . (They don’t really care about me, they were out of town, I’m not a very good friend, so of course they don’t want to talk to me. . . whatever) C – I felt ______ ( They didn’t call because I’m not a good friend, so I felt depressed and didn’t bother calling anyone else) and so I ____________.

Notice how your belief is directly in correlation to how you respond, positively or negatively. You’ll find that optimism energizes while pessimism creates passivity and discouragement.^{1 – Martin Seligman – Learned Optimism pp 212}

The Hammer: A hammer bangs and pounds. What resonates with you? What really gives you that ‘wow’! feeling? For some it is reading, for others, going fishing, some have their best ideas in their dreams. When do yours come?

The Screwdriver: - A Screwdriver twists. It turns and tightens. Once we have an idea, what helps you to solidify and strengthen that idea? Is it a journal? A check list? A prayer? A friend to share your goal with? What helps YOU be more firm in your resolve?

The Ruler: - How do you measure your success? Are you one who makes short-term, long-term goals and then rewards yourself when you accomplish them? Or are you rather one who doesn’t even get on the scale until you are halfway closer to your goal, check in, and keep going without a lot of reinforcement? Do you do best with a mentor who you share little steps and backsliding with? How do you best measure your results or approximations?

The Saw: - Saws cut, but they also multiply. Where once you had one piece of wood, now you have two smaller, more manageable pieces. What helps you to divide up your concerns? Does it help to focus in on smaller and smaller parts, and conquer them or are you better when you shave off bits and pieces that are unnecessary and superfluous to your success?

Pliers: - Pliers pinch and give you a better grip. Does it help you to have someone to report to? Do you do best when you clutch on with a steady grip until you are finished, or do you prefer to pinch a little, put it away for awhile and then pinch a bit more later?

Clamp: What helps you really hold tight and stay motivated? Are you a daily reward type, or one who can work for awhile and then reward yourself with something even bigger, or perhaps one who feels that a completed goal is its own reward? What keeps you clamped on?

Wrench: A wrench turns. It clamps on and gives you leverage. Leverage is using something smaller to tweak something much larger. What gives you your best leverage? Is it your ability to stick to something, or perhaps your fierce desire, or even perhaps your coach or support system that helps you with every step?

Sandpaper: - How do you finalize and sand down the tiny rough places when you are nearly ‘there’? Do you just leave things ‘almost’ finished, or are you willing to really get in and complete your goals to a fine sheen?

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason. – NLP

2012-01-12T12:02:00.000-08:00

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason. – NLP

I think, and isn’t that why you are reading this, to see what I think? Anyway, I think. . . that too often we demonize so many of our little imperfections that we forget that every one of them is there because it gives us something. While it may and probably is better that we rid ourselves of poor habits, annoying tendencies and unbecoming personality traits, I think we forget that we have to honor those choices before we can send them to their ‘thank you for your service’ retirement.

I know that I used to really hate to get up early. Hated it. Loved luxuriously sleeping in and staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes not even going to bed at all. While I wanted to ‘change’ it, because ‘people’ said it was better for me, I didn’t feel I had the capacity or the motivation. I wanted to my freedom and I gave every ‘reason’ I could come up with to show both how I ‘couldn’t’ and why I ‘shouldn’t’.

A man convinced against his will, holds the same opinion still.

Staying up late was fun. I loved the quiet. I could work uninterrupted. These were its serviceable attributes. Yes, I knew that it made me tired in the morning. That it kept me from sharing my partners bed. That it created a foggy brain that lasted nigh until dinner the next day. However, until I was able to appreciate what it gave me and find other ways to get those same benefits, I was stuck.

One day a friend asked me to watch the sunrise together. So I unwillingly, but dutifully got up early that next morning. It was quiet. It was beautiful! I was sharp and accomplished twice as much before the rest of the house arose. Then, I was tired at 9 the next night and slept soundly to awaken the next day early. Suddenly and almost without effort, I put away the old and took on the newer better, more serviceable attribute of arising early.

Every bad attribute has something it is giving its slaves. Find that positive, replace it with something else that accomplishes the same thing and the negative attribute no longer has power.

It isn’t evil, it is just a reason. A stress-relief, something that makes one feel powerful, smarter, sexier. An escape, gives more energy, allows the voices in the head to silence for awhile.

Find the reason, not just the action. As Donald Trump says, “Focus on the Solution”.

Here is to New Years and a better us.

(for more info on NLP - write me)

- Secondary Gain -

2011-08-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

What are you getting from your problem that invites it to remain?

“I hate being fat! I feel lumpy and lethargic and uncomfortable! Why do I keep eating what I know will make me “fatter?”

I can’t stand living in this mess! I hate stepping over piles, not being able to find what I want when I want it, and I’m tired of looking at it all!”

But I don’t change.

Why? Am I lazy? Not at all. I get lots done in other areas. I am perfectly able and confident in many other areas of my life, but why do these trip me up? (Pun intended?) I’ve learned that there are reasons for everything. Even the ‘bad’ things that we are ‘stuck’ in, are serving us in some way. Otherwise we would never continue in their practice.

For instance:

I remember hearing a client talk about their issues with weight. He spoke about the comfort that he gained when he sat down with a huge meal like his mother used to make him . He received comfort, a feeling of safety and a trip back to a simpler time 0 escape. He also spoke about his worry that he wasn’t as faithful in heart as he wanted to be. He loved his wife, but always struggled with self-worth, and if he was ‘buff’ he would be more appealing, get more attention, and it would be more difficult to keep his mind clear of temptations. He received: Safety, a cushion of protection, a perceived defense against infidelity. He mentioned that he liked the ‘jolly’ persona that he was labeled with. He felt more comfortable at parties being the ‘jokester’ and laughing about his weight was an often-used intro to conversations. He received: A place in society that he knew. An audience. A deamon he was familiar with.

Beginning to see?

What would a ‘mess’ give the one who wanted to be free of it? Why didn’t they just toss? What in your life is bugging you? Can you make a list of the POSITIVE things this NEGATIVE thing offers and rewards that keep you shackled to its demands? Are there other ways to receive the same rewards? Can you step away from the Negative and create a new positive expression that gives the same or similar rewards? If you can, you are well on your way to freedom from whatever it is that you wish to unhook yourself from.

Must I do ‘Enough’ to earn the right ‘To BE’?

2011-07-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

My missionary Elder Kevin Steed took this in Idaho

Earning the right.

“I have to get xxxxx done, and THEN, I can enjoy—(reading with my children, going fishing, reading a book, painting, writing or calling a friend. . . ) something that nourishes me.”

I’ve felt like this. I’ve given myself so many lists and must-dos and put in so much time trying to feel un-guilty about Being who I am, that I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten who that is. I’m just beginning to remember.

As I age, I realize how unimportant all the ‘important’ things seem to be.
Is it really necessary to earn the right to be be?

Aren’t we much better off knowing what nourishes us, what our deepest convictions and most honorable selves are in line with, and then from that base. . . doing what items naturally flow out of them?

I’m not a new-age sort of fluffy, feely, individual that is unaware that one must make a living, must find ways to create income and safety, but I am one who has learned that sometimes we put too much energy and importance into things that perhaps, just perhaps, aren’t feeding, nourishing or enhancing our very deepest values or creating the life that we truly want and can embrace. We can have both.

Consider being, and allowing that to create your to-do list rather than the other way around.

Risky Business

2011-07-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

Only by taking risks can we hope to accomplish

the extraordinary –

Spark – Circ de Soleil

- John U. Bacon, Lyn Heward

When you were little, did you ever get in a tree swing and kick off as high as you dared? Did you feel the surge of reaching for the sky and free falling backwards into who knew what? I did. It was risky, the branch could break, there could be someone behind you, you could fall, the seat could break. . . but we did it anyway. Anyone regret it? I don’t.

Now however I have a bit more trouble kicking high and free-falling. In Circ De Soleil, they take risks. They do something crazy, they try new things and we (at least those who have been fortunate enough to see a show) benefit from the amazing experience. Nothing however will happen, if they don’t first get on the swing, kick off into the unknown, and well. . . see what happens.

Sometimes we do fall. We can put our hand on hour chin and say, hummmmm. . . wonder why that didn’t work? Then try again with adjustment. If it still doesn’t work, are we a failure? Nah. Just eliminated another wrong answer!

I don’t know about you, but I want something extraordinary. I want to be able to step beyond the ordinary and come to a place where I know I’ve kicked as high as I can, used all the rope I have available, used the sturdiest branch and touched my toes to the sky.

How about you?

Don't Push the River

2011-06-21T15:52:00.000-07:00

A river flows. That is what it does. It follows its own natural path and ends where all rivers ought to end, in the sea. If I jump in, and push it, it will still do what it will. I may be able to change stones, build a dam, even dump in tons of soil to adjust where I think it OUGHT To go, but like so many have found out, eventually water will win. It will go the way of the flow.

Is your garden continually climbing over the fence and into the neighbor’s yard?

Does your car continue to sputter and whine when you put in the cheaper grade of gas?

In life we tend to forget that our lives are like that too. This isn’t to say do not make goals, or do not try to guide your own life, but simply consider when things feel like a struggle, that perhaps they aren’t ready to happen. Are you pushing your flow too much to see that the natural movement will be exactly in the direction that is best?

Stop and listen to the rhythm. Draw in great gulps of fresh air and smell the direction your life is calling. Look far into the horizon and notice the signals that are guiding your next action.

Don’t push when just allowing is the best choice.

What’s the Problem . . . Really?

2011-06-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

What’s the Problem . . . Really?

The trick is not to try and solve a problem before you know what it is.

Spark – Circ de Soleil - John U. Bacon, Lyn Heward

Several years ago my family volunteered to help out in the community. Our task was the get rid of some of the graffiti in the area and make our neighborhood look better. As we sanded and painted and worked at getting the stuff off, it took us nearly the entire day. At the end, the words just came through our efforts again like we had done nothing. I didn’t understand it. WE were doing our best! We had even purchased extra grade quality of tools to make sure it was a good job. It didn’t work. Then the supervisor came by to check up on us. “Do you realize that this wall is going to be demolished?”

“Uh, no.”

“They are going to put a gate here.”

He then directed us to another area where the paint went on smoothly and the whole thing was done in thirty minutes. The paint stuck, the wall was pristine and our efforts were easy to see.

Too often I think that we face life that way. We barrel in with enthusiasm and effort and all our education and know-how only to discover we’ve been painting the wrong wall the whole time.

John Bacon shares that sometimes the reason we don’t succeed, is because we haven’t done our homework. We haven’t looked from all angles and found out the real problem in our problem.

Maybe that difficulty in your relationship isn’t that you “just don’t agree about how to raise the kids” but that you don’t feel that your opinion is important to your spouse.

Perhaps you aren’t just ‘too dumb to understand’, but it is simply a new concept and you haven’t read the latest breakthrough..

Possibly, it isn’t that there is just a generation gap that you can’t get over, but that your child wants more, not less guidance and input from you.

Mayhap, it isn’t that your product just isn’t marketable, but that you are trying to market it to the wrong clientele.

Find the right question, and you’ll be much more likely to find success in anything you attempt.

The Trick, Is Not Minding That It Hurts

2011-05-11T09:57:00.002-07:00

A messenger, having just brought in a message for Lawrence of Arabia, watches him extinguish a lighted match slowly with his fingers.

Lawrence reads the message then gathers his kit to leave. Meanwhile, Potter tries to put out a match with his fingers. It hurts and he asks Lawrence what the trick is. Lawrence replies:

"The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts."

Every life has pain. Some greater than others. Some years, months, days, greater than others. I’ve learned this principle with a depth I can’t explain adequately. What I know is, that when I put my attention on the pain, it hurts more. When I do not, it hurts less, and sometimes not at all.

This principle works no matter the depth of the pain or the consequence of the cause. When I place my mind ON the pain, the pain rules. When I do not MIND the pain, it has no power.

That isn’t to say that all the troubles go away. There are continuous nudges and stings and reminders to MIND the pain. To put my attention and focus on it. I do. . . briefly. . . but then I try to remember the trick.

The trick, is not minding that it hurts.

The trick isn’t that the pain goes away, simply that I choose to put it in its place, instead of allowing it to put me in mine. Try it. . . but don’t go around touching the flame just to see!

Eric Whitacre: A virtual choir 2,000 voices strong | Video on TED.com

2011-04-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Eric Whitacre: A virtual choir 2,000 voices strong | Video on TED.com

I was reduced to tears. The sweet sincere faces, the gentle sounds, the message. . . music truly does unite the world. I don't do this, but I have to share this astonishing accomplishment.

MSK

Cultivate Ceremonies of Personal Pleasure

2011-03-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today I’m sick. I feel rotten. While that isn’t what I want to talk about, it is what made me think about pleasure, spoiling myself, hot soup and fuzzy slippers.

Sometimes when life smacks us, whether it is emotional, physical, relationship, financial, whatever, it is the time that we take a time-out. Settle into those comfort ceremonies that warm our soul and allow us to close our eyes for a moment and forget the momentary circumstances.

For me, it is many things, but one of them is hot soup and bread. Few things make me feel as good as quickly as something that tickles my senses in more than one area. Great scents of homemade soup and piping hot bread and butter brings me back to when I was a little girl and being taken care of by someone who loved me. What is yours?

Another of my Ceremonial pleasures is my morning devotional. If I don’t start my day with about 30 – 45 minutes of contemplation, reading, writing and just being silent by myself, I’m off-balance. I thrive and refill. What allows you to refill? For some it is company, laughing, playing, talking. For others it is the outdoors, and still others need total brainless unwinding. Consider your own personal ceremonies and cherish and honor their place in life, and life will feel more like a pleasure than a drudgery.

If not, there is always soup!

2011-03-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

What Is Missing - Really?

~”Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man. . . that he didn’t, didn’t already have!” ~ America – Tin Man

Usually we have most of what we need. The missing part is usually the catalyst. A good coach who can point it out for you and put the pieces in the right place is the coach who can invite you to recognized the best YOU.

“Listen to where it hurts.. the body and the spirit speak softly first, then more loudly the more they are ignored.” ~ Carol Montoya

I’ve been doing a lot of EFT lately. Emotionally Focused Therapy. It is a system of acupressure releases that takes stuck and stored up energies and helps the person release that energy through gentle taps and questions and statements. It is simply astonishing how easily old hurts, physical pain and even stress can disapate with the simply applied principles. This isn’t something that you need an appointment for, or a long list of supplies or even a long training session. It is a wonderful tool that can be learned quickly and give years of diverse relief and abounding peace.

Usually we do have much of what we need. Sometimes all it takes is someone else to point that out.

“Chunking”

2011-02-04T15:43:00.000-08:00

If what you are doing, isn’t working. . . do something else!

I am working towards my NLP (Neuro-Linguestic Programing) Certification. Today’s lesson was on ‘chunking up’ and ‘chunking down’.

What that means is moving away from a current way of thinking, to a lesser detailed way of thinking, or one more specific or detailed.

For instance. If you would like to change one aspect of your life, what do you consider when you think of that change? Does it seem too huge to accomplish? Are you overwhelmed? Or, maybe it seems like there are just too many details to accomplish.

Consider asking a couple of questions of yourself. Like, “What is the bigger part? What is my intention in wanting this change? or even what is my purpose?”

If I wish to teach a class on something I’m good at for instance. I may feel overwhelmed and inadequate. I may feel like I can never fill up a semester of information and be successful. However—if I chunk down, I can think of it as only the FIRST class. IF that even seems too big, I can consider, “What is the introduction I could give that would be informative and interesting”. Perhaps that ten minute intro wouldn’t seem too much. I could even move my chunk down further to ‘what is a great story I can tell to illustrate my topic?”

It works for any project, any idea, any task you wish to complete.

Sometimes though, you can be like me, and have so many ‘chunks’’ that you need to chunk UP instead. When your list has fifty elements on it, it may be helpful to ask yourself, “What is the point I’m trying to make?” What THREE things will help me make that point the best?” Things along that vein will make your ‘chunks’ more manageable and ultimately make your project possible. No matter if it is a business plan, a child’s birthday party, or a refinance of your home. Baby steps were created to get us from where we are to where we can ultimately thrive.

So. . .go thrive!

Feedback

2011-01-28T12:37:00.000-08:00

Jason Wright says that a life can be changed in about seventeen seconds. He calls them miracles. There is even a book and a website and a facebook application to record those that happen to you, and those that you engage in and perform. I know Jason personally, and can say easily that his life definitely reflects the sense of fun and service an

d the joy of existing that a little bit of extra effort produces.

My thoughts today surround my own little seventeen second miracles. I call it Feedback. It is something that often takes just about seventeen seconds (or a minute or two, depending on how verbose you are!). It is the little moments we take to respond to someone.

It can be about a service, a little ‘Thank you for. . . ‘ or a birthday. . . I had almost a hundred people wish me a great day. It absolutely surrounded me with awe to think that that many people thought about me, and took the seconds required to tell me so. I’m still walking around in the glow of it. Yet I doubt that any one of them took more than literally a few seconds to comment. It can be a response to a post, a blog, a photo shared or a link we thought was worth sharing. Even the little click of a “LIKE” button in Facebook sends a smile into the heart.

We NEED feedback. From our partners, our children, our bosses. We crave knowing that we matter. That we’ve been a good parent, a successful employee, a service to the world.

For a moment let’s look on the other side. How do you feel when you say something, share something, and no one responds? It is a dark and lonely place to feel like your contributions are not noticed.

Telling someone they look great in a certain color, noticing that their hair is cut or styled a different way, their child looks especially darling or even just an eye-to-eye smile, can change a day, an outlook, even a life. Letting others know how we feel and think about their contributions makes those contributions worth repeating. Sometimes I’m afraid that those with a talent for complimenting and encouraging others don’t realize the depth of their talent. Some of the most important talents are in this life are the abilities to really listen; to appreciate sincerely; and to tell others what their contributions mean to you. Think of your little comments differently today. Think of them as warm hugs and generous pats on the back. Consider telling someone who sends you a compliment or a cute joke or an inspiring thought that you were touched. It makes all the difference and takes just about . . . seventeen seconds.

Through the Eyes of Kakeru

2011-01-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

We just had the wonderful experience of hosting a Japanese student for a couple of weeks. We had a wonderful time showing him our world. He was delightful and curious, loved everything about America. (Except oatmeal and tomatoes!). Many tastes were new experiences for him. He loved RootBeer, though his friends said it tasted like medicine. He took a six-pack home.

While we were taking him around and listening to

‘Oooo, it’s gootd, so goodt’

a lot, it occurred to me that perhaps I was missing much of the

‘soo, soooo goodt’

things in my life.

Diane Ackerman, a sensual (as in the five senses) writer who describes things in succulent language filled with imagry, talks about the dulling of the senses in the modern world. So many times we forget to just stop, take a long look at something with new eyes.

Having Kakeru here did that for me. I often wondered what he thought about things. How we appeared to him and what sorts of ideas he was getting with the ‘too much English!’ all around. We would ‘speak swlowly’ when we remembered to, but mostly we just were ourselves. Californian’s with too much to do, ‘so many parties!’ and living ‘so big!’.

When I looked at the world through his eyes, in my limited way, I saw things just a bit differently. I smiled more. I paused more. I spoke more slowly.

Maybe sometimes all we need to do in our crazy worlds is to look at things just a little differently, so we can see them differently.

He didn’t want to return. He loved it here. We loved having him. Perhaps part of that was simply his way of showing me, my world.

Will Power Doesn't Last Long

2011-01-04T09:41:00.000-08:00

Frankly, neither does ‘won’t’ power. Let’s face it. Strong-arm muscling goals gets us mostly just frustrated, down on ourselves and shoved into helplessness. Ever tried to ‘push a river’? Going against the natural flow of things makes life rougher, not easier. Struggle wasn’t meant for an every-day lifestyle. So, how do we improve? How do we get out of bad habits and into good ones? The trouble is, bad habits are EASY to start, and HARD to break. Good habits are HARD to start and EASY to break. I know, not fair! But it is what it is.

You have spent years learning how to do things a certain way. Think a certain way, act and respond a certain way. You have all these wonderful desires, and want to do things a NEW way, so you sit down, make some ‘goals’ and then expect change to happen quickly! Guess what. . . it doesn’t. You usually fail, then berate yourself, give up, become depressed and decide it wasn’t possible anyway.

What if you are just going about it in the wrong way?

A river flows naturally. No one needs to push it to get it to go towards the sea. It is possible to change its course however. I know, my husband has done it! However, it took a whole summer, not a day. Each weekend he and his brothers would hike up and begin to put stones and branches in the path of the river. Little by little they moved the bank inward and outward. Boulder by boulder they changed the way the river naturally flowed, not by one day tossing everything in and hoping for the best, the only thing that would have happened is that the river would have shrugged, laughed and said, “Right, watch this!” and easily pushed all the debris to the side in a rolling tumbling mass. Instead, little step by little adjustment, they nudged, urged and gently changed the course. Now, Twenty years later, the river still flows neatly around the island they formed that summer.

Like the river, our habits have been formed a little at a time over a long time. Getting them to change starts with a goal of course, knowing what your true dream is, and putting your heart behind it. . . but that isn’t enough. You need little stones, a few big boulders placed strategically and some long logs and lots of little bits of support.

• Start with the end. What do you want it to look like eventually?

• Allow for time to naturally sculpt your dreams

• Write down (I’ll repeat that just in case you thought it wasn’t important) WRITE DOWN the resources you have to help you.

• Get help. Get a coach, a friend, someone to report to is ESSENTIAL.

• Make little goals along the way

• Attach the little steps to something you are already doing easily. IE: Put your vitamins next to your toothbrush – you’ll remember to take them daily since you already brush your teeth daily.

• Reward yourself often. When you don’t quite get the result you hoped for, see if THIS result is a BETTER step. It just may be.

• Don’t push the river, allow it to flow naturally, let the goals you have for your life form with a simple easy rhythm and you’ll find that they will indeed stick, and your life will then have the new look you visualized.

While ‘will power’ won’t last, ‘great job!’ power does. Allow yourself to readjust, reacess, and be rewarded for the small growth you see, and SEE it. Happy 2011! Just breathe. . . this is fun!

(can you tell one of the 'goals' I have this year is to post weekly?)

Order and Chaos

2010-12-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

Notice I did not say, Order OR Chaos. It is the “and” that makes all the difference.

Have you noticed a living room on the day after Christmas? If there are little children involved, certainly there will be chaos. Paper, ribbons, tape, bows, boxes, toys (probably some already broken) and even plates, glasses, contents of stockings, camera paraphernalia and all sorts of decorations (one or two broken or tumbled from its graceful pre-Christmas perch no doubt) strewn about. Can we say cyclone? My daughter calls it a ‘happy mess’ and so it is, filled with memories, love, service and a lot of joy. Still, it is chaos, and it needs to be put back in order before the next week passes.

Sometimes our lives are like that aren’t they? Chaotic, but joyful, crazy and messy and topsy-turvy--but all good stuff. Then there are times (sometimes too long of a span) of difficult chaos. Broken dreams, unexpected consequences, Loss, failure, financial ruins and all sorts of craziness that makes us wonder if order will ever be retained. Yet, it is. We end up with a new normal. A place that we never anticipated, and looking back perhaps may even be grateful for. . . someday, but today?

Instead of looking at the chaos in our lives as terrible messes to fix, what about looking at them like a Christmas morning Living-room. Something to be relished as we move through to a new beginning? Some place of taking out, messing up, re-organizing and sorting through ideas, experiences and emotions. Every day has potential for order and every day has potential for chaos. It isn’t the current state of affairs that matters most, it is the being, you, me. . . doing the sorting, experiencing and remembering that matters.

So next time the world seems crazy and complicated and difficult and well. . . messy, try standing back and enjoying how it got that way, considering how to change things for the better now that it is all out in the open anyway, or just letting it be messy for a little while longer while you sip cocoa and relish the mess. It will be orderly again. It will be chaotic again, . . and. . . it is all good.

The Weather Is JUST the Weather

2010-11-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

I promise.

Just because it is stormy outside, it doesn’t mean you have to feel stormy inside. Now this example won’t work for those of us who flourish in rain, or will it?

Let’s compare Bill (assuming he hates bad weather) and me.

I was raised in South San Francisco. It was foggy and bleak, nearly every day. Really. I’d have to call my friend down the hill to see what to wear, because the pea soup I lived in, I could never tell. So, the weather man says rain. I smile, pull out my favorite boots and maybe the camera. Bill on the other hand, gets up, grumbles at his wife, slams the door to the car and yells at the cat. “I hate this weather, it always puts me in a bad mood!”

Really? The weather has that power? The weather causes Bill to have a bad day? How about people? “He makes me so mad!” . . . “She really irritates me!” . . . Oh? “That makes me crazy!” Are you sure? Do these statements seem silly when you are logically and openly reading this? Well then, instead determine where the power really is!

In you.

YOU make yourself mad, sad, angry, irritated, annoyed . . . and/or happy, joyful, successful, powerful. You decide. You figure out where the power is, and allow that source to wield it.

Seriously, the weather will happen, there is nothing you nor I can do about it. It has its own power, just like you, just like me. The weather is just the weather.

You are You.

A Cure For Children Only?

2010-11-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

I Read this today about Children. . .

“We can hurt a child’s self-esteem by:

1. Putting them down.

2. Breaking Promises.

3. Not allowing them choices and independence

4. Not giving them respect and privacy

5. Denying their feelings and personal identify.

6. Not being consistent.

Joyce and Dennis Ashton 9n “But If Not” V3p71

All excellent advice and certainly very true. BUT. . .

Doesn’t each one of these apply to all people? Adults included? I believe so. What happens when someone puts YOU down? Does it increase your awareness? Do you immediately respond with ‘Well now, that was insightful, I think I’ll change right away?” I highly doubt it. Usually we respond in one of two ways, defensiveness or ignoring. Neither are helpful or uplifting.

What about a broken promise? While it causes the person who broke the promise to diminish in your estimation, don’t we often thing, “Well, s/he must not really care about me. . . S/he must think I’m not worth following through. . .” etc. How about number three? What happens when you feel like your choices have been taken away? Does it EVERY increase your desire to be warmer, more loving, a better person, more obedient? It doesn’t for me. It makes me resentful, angry and often MORE desirous to do exactly what has been denied (Maybe I’m just a rebel at heart) .

Perhaps my point has been made and I needn’t go through each of the above, but my suggestion is this: Each living person needs to feel accepted; worthy of integrity; able to choose; respected; allowed to explore preferences and valued enough for commitment.

Next time someone annoys you, consider what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow says.

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies,

we would find in each man's life

a sorrow and a suffering

enough to disarm all hostility." ~

Choose to See

2010-10-15T16:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why nothing good ever seems to happen? Why your house is falling apart, your relationships, though not terrible, never have that magical feel that so many other talk about? Feel like food doesn’t look as appetizing as it once did, that smells don’t even bring that bliss that once you remember feeling just at a whiff of home-made bread?

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes. . . it is simply because we look, but do not see. Humans are interesting beings. We are made up of this little self-fulfilling mind-set that always bends towards being right. We like to see, what we expect.

Did you know that if there is a black speck on the windshield, and if you don’t look directly at it, but slightly to the side, it will disappear? That is because our brains automatically fill in the gaps. It creates symmetry, even where there is none. Look directly back at the speck however, and it is right there, specky as always. Fortunately for us, we have the capacity to look past the unimportant imperfections. Unfortunately for us, if we continually look right AT them, that is all we’ll see.

Next time you find that your house is falling apart, try this: Look past the broken banister to the perfectly sturdy stairs under your feet. Overlook the one drawer in the kitchen that has fallen off the track, and see the 15 other drawers that have served you well for ten years. For today, forget about the spot on the tile that is cracked, and relish the other 92 tiles that are pristine, clean and ready to serve you. You’ll not only see more of the beauty, you’ll feel the warmth and gratitude of all that is right.

Try it with your spouse, your child, your co-worker. Choose to see the windshield instead of the squashed bug. . .

NOTICE the Bear.

2010-10-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Art by James Christensen

NOTICE the Bear.

Ever been in a situation where there is a huge problem, an uncomfortable situation, or a curiosity that just keeps your attention even though you keep trying to ignore it? Just something that niggles your consciousness, pushes through your joy and lingers on the outside of your busyness? That is the bear. It is the big scary thing that you are trying to ignore. Guess what, it won’t go away. It will prod, push, growl and threaten until you turn around and face it.

Perhaps, it will bite you. Perhaps you won’t survive unscathed, but usually. . . it is just a figment. It is just as frightened of being confronted as you are of confronting. It often will just stare you in the eyes, see your resolve and power and slink silently back into the forest.

The bear is in the room. Giving him the attention he seeks will almost always satisfy him. He is really just as willing to go his own way, as you are hopeful that he will, but not without being noticed.

Take a moment. Look your bear in the eyes. Tell him he is noticed. No judgment, no fear, no laughter, just notice him with the simple observation of a camera. Take a picture if you want, give him a nod and go on your way, but notice him. Give him a name and he’ll be sated. Notice the bears in your world.

Unintended Consequences

2010-09-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

Unintended Consequences

Or, the domino principle. Have you experienced great surprise when you chose something, and not long after you see what else was affected by that change? Sometimes it can be a good thing, but sometimes, it is a very VERY bad thing. For instance. I decided to finish my degree. My university required that I was on campus for the last semester, which was in another state than my home, my family and my occupation. All right. I figured I’d have some things to change and take care of. However. . . I met a man the first week I was in the new state. Now, a year later, I am married. That was a fabulous, but very unintended consequence of my decision.

Other times we aren’t so lucky. We may choose to quit a job for a better opportunity, only to have that company suddenly go out of business and now we are without a job at all. We may choose to change the filter in the dryer, but while pulling it out, drop in a screw which falls into the motor and now the dryer has to be replaced. Because the dryer has to be replaced, we don’t have the funds to buy those tickets to the theatre, and hence we didn’t meet the new employer who had the seats next to the ones we would have purchased. . . and on and on. Life is a series of decisions that touch each other, bump and nudge and effect everything adjacent.

When you make a decision, especially a major one, pause for a moment and consider what else this decision could affect. It may be a delightful series of unintended consequences, or. . . it may not, but if we are aware, we won’t be caught completely by surprise.

Feel It To Heal It

2010-08-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

Grief is a difficult emotion. It is hard to even think about. Our heart constricts; our palms sweat; our mouth gets dry; sometimes even when nothing has actually happened. Yet, it is as much a part of our lives as joy, fun, success and contentment. It is a rare human who slides through without at least a degree of it tagging along, yet we do not know how to embrace it.

I’ve learned two things. One, as mentioned, it will come.

Two, I can choose to acknowledge it, respect it, or give in to it.

A.D. Wolfet said, “Feel it, to Heal it.” I think what he meant was that in order to actually get through something difficult, you have to actually allow it to be felt. If we push away difficult feelings, burry them deeply in our heart, they will remain right there, a bump in the carpet always tripping us up at the most inopportune times.

Often, we think of grief as something we feel when someone passes on. Elizabeth Küblar-Ross gave us that grief model, and many of us are willing to give ourselves time after a loss due to death. However, I’ve learned that quite often losses like divorce; a beloved job; a home or financial lifestyle, have many of the same characteristics and grief processing.

Think about your world. Think about the losses in your life briefly. Have you allowed yourself to truly feel them? Have you allowed them to heal completely?

Have you bargained, been angry, denied, been depressed and finally accepted that loss?

If not, are you willing to respect it enough to do so, and thus allow it to finally heal?

Yes, it will be painful. But haven’t you carried that pain around long enough as it is?

Get your broom, and let’s cough, sneeze, sweat and sigh our way back to balance shall we?

Spun into Gold

2010-07-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

There is a fable of the miller's daughter.

Sarah Van Breathnach tells us to consider that we are not only the girl. . . but we are all things. In a fable, the characters represent our inner motivations and our weaknesses.

We are also the Miller. Do we have those which we demand the impossible? Do we think so much of our children that we leave them no logical way to complete our expectations?

Are we Rumpelstiltskin, in that we have a secret. . . that we are not always willing for others to share, without a price. Our service comes with a price tag, sometimes far more than the service is worth.

Perhaps at times, we are the gold. The magical wonder that is spun from our ordinaryness.
Or, are we straw? Willing possibilities that with the right touch, the right help, can be gold?

Are we the king, who wants what is impossible. Who reaps without sowing, who gathers without spinning. Are we greedy and anxious for more. Always more?

Perhaps we are the daughter, or even the child. Promised to something we have no control over.

Look into your favorite fairy tale, and see if perhaps you don't relate to a different character than you usually do.

Artwork by Anne Anderson

Connections...a Soft Place to Land

2010-07-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

Connections...a Soft Place to Land
E.F.T
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson

Have you ever felt angry, but nothing was ‘really’ wrong? Do you feel alone in a crowd, or in a relationship? Do you remember feeling like you have no one you can call when you are feeling blue? You may be missing a deep and meaningful attachment.

From Meet Joe Black:
How do you know? (Your wife loves you)
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay.

Babies, when they are first-born, need to be with their mother’s within the first 45 minutes of birth, to be comforted and held and nursed. If they do not have this, studies show that they can have attachment issues that continue throughout their lives. We are no different. If we do not have a soft place to land, someone who we KNOW is there for us no matter what, we are like a rudder-less ship, floating through experiences without an anchor.

There is help.

75%-80% of all couples who undergo EFT come out with stronger and better relationships. It is phenomenal. Now there are ways that you can ask yourself the seven questions, look out for the three demon dialogues and reconnect with your partner in strong bonds that are healing and supportive for both.

Learn how to dance through the Protest Polka; Side-step the Blame Game and refuse to Freeze or Flee. Stopping these enemies of communication can bring you to a place where you can look into loving eyes and know that NO MATTER WHAT. . . you are someone, and you have someone who will be there.

You can feel like this too. You deserve it.

Mail me for more information.

Calm Your Storm

2010-06-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

In “The Titans”, there was one memorable line for me. Not that I took it how it was intended, but I loved when the female lead looked into a suffering male lead’s eyes and said, “Calm Your Storm”.

How often do the trials in our lives spiral out of control, electrify and gain energy or pummel us with difficulty simply because when we had the chance, at the pivotal moment to Calm our Storms. . . we didn’t?

Breathe. Take in a moment to consider yourself at the end of a long pier with the world at your control. The clouds darken, the electricity is crackling, and you control it all. Is this what you want right now? Close your eyes. Call upon all that is loving and good and successful and warm, and send that into the blackened clouds, the rolling threatening tempest and let it dispel, calm, evaporate.

Take that moment to Calm Your Storm –
and it will never become a Tempest.

Listen to the Whispers (so you don't have to hear the screams)

2010-06-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Inspiration comes quietly. . . at first. A small pain in your side, you ignore. Later a sharp pain, you medicate, then an agonizing burst appendix . . . and it screams “Surgery!”

Listen to the Whispers. . . and the screams will never be needed.

Be they emotional wholes (intentional spelling), spiritual promptings, social, intellectual longings or physical attentions needed.

Listen. Shhhhhh, be still.

Recycled Love

2010-06-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, this time I just have to share a wonderful tip. You know all those delightful cards, birthday notes, letters, "just because" cards that you have received and don't know what to do with, but really hate to toss? I use mine for bookmarks. It is the most delightful thing, to pick up a book and find within a precious sentiment from the past. Today I paused and actually read the card I've been using as a marker for the book I was reading. I had forgotten how sweet the message, how precious the sentiments. . . and I cried. What a delightful moment tucked in my day. A week ago, I picked up one of those 'daily thought' books, and there was a lovely card from five years ago from a precious friend of mine. Again, I was brought to tears of gratitude as I recalled the difficult time that the card came in, the sweet peace it brought me.

So. . . I'm passing along my little bit of cheer. Instead of a torn slip of paper, or a fancy purchased bookmark. Tuck in your old letters, cards, notes and such and you'll be delighted again and again by the giver and the gift.

OH! and don't forget to SEND a real card this week. As my son says, "Write it in handwriting mom, it means more." Perhaps you'll be remembered again and again as the years drift by and bring joy time and again.

Happy Writing.

Happy Living.

What If This Is Supposed to Be?

2010-06-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

No, really. Whatever is wrong in your world, what IF. . . just go with me here, what IF it was exactly what is supposed to happen at this very moment. Why do you think could be the possible reason?

Go ahead. Write it. Right now. No, I'm serious. Get a pen, open your online journal, whatever.

Has there ever been, in your experience, something that you thought at the time was terrible, but turned out for the best? What if this too. . . turns out for the best?

There is power in ‘What if’.

There is also danger in it.

Make certain that your “Ifs” remain on the positive side of the continuum for the most part. Just the consideration will cause a shift, open new avenues and allow your mind to consider and perhaps even embrace, “Maybe So.”

Attention Shift

2010-06-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

Dean Byrd says that there are two types of perfection. Horizontal and vertical. In Vertical perfection, or striving for perfection vertically. . . we have a zig-zag approach, always striving, then falling back a bit, striving again, always feeling overwhelmed, inadequate an unbalanced. In Horizontal perfection we are able to pause and evaluate. Walk a while with our most recent progression. Enjoy where we are for a time before choosing another goal to accomplish.

Vertical Perfection
Horizontal Perfection

Sometimes all it takes is a pause. A change in attention and focus to see something just slightly differently. The shift in focus allows a view that may change your whole outlook. When I discovered that I could no longer see clearly to read, I went to the dollar store and bought me a pair of simple reading glasses. Instantly, things came into focus. I could read with clarity and without squinting. Headaches disappeared, frustration lessened and reading was again a pleasure.

Where are you striving vertically, and always feeling like you slide back as much as you move forward? Where are you enjoying the steps you have already taken, and able to celebrate your progression? Where can your attention and focus shift ever so slightly so that what was, is now something else?

Look away from your cause of frustration and focus on a cause of gratitude and joy. Then look back. Do you find the frustration altered?

Sometimes progression, is simply a shift in focus, a shift in attention to see things in a new way.

Irritated by the Rub

2010-05-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

Rumi said this: 'If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?'

I heard that one day and thought about it. Long and hard. I've had a mosquito bite that just won't let me have peace. I've also had those itches that no matter how long and hard and wide you scratch, they refused to be sated. I've also polished nails, rocks, pottery and sanded wood. All of these experiences swirled around in my mind as I heard this statement.

Is it my intention to be comfortable or to be better? That was a difficult question to come face to face with. Sometimes, if I'm honest with myself, I don't WANT to be rubbed! I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to have difficult experiences, and I don't WANT to have to have my patience tried in order to gain more of it. However . . . I've also learned that usually, there is no other way.

Wanting is tricky business. It comes down ultimately, to what I want MOST. Do I really want that sculpted gorgeous body of a model, or do I really just want to live my life easily, do the minimum to be healthy, and have more time to do other things I want more?

In the end, it really is about what you want most. You'll get it. So, if you aren't 'getting' what you think you want, look at where you endure rubbing the most. You'll find your answer as to where your heart truly is.

So. . . what do you really want?

Photo by Alma Rubel.

Is that Absolutely True?

2010-05-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

“I’m not beautiful.”

“My sister hates me.”

Are you absolutely certain what you just said, is true?

It doesn’t matter what the world tells you, it will tell you over and over again, but if you believe it, you’ll continue to believe it.

Who are you, and why are you here?

Think about it again. Take any ‘story’ you tell yourself, from “I can’t make any money.” To “I don’t want to be me.” Put it up against the test of complete truth. Ask it three times.

Is this Absolutely True?
Is this Absolutely True?
Is this Absolutely True?

If it isn’t, what IS Absolutely True?

In our lives we too often get in the habit of making blanket statements. Soon enough, we begin to believe them, even if they are neither helpful or healthy for us. Even if they are not true. Take a good long look at something you believe that is hurting you. Is it really true? Absolutely? Completely?

What IS true? Instead of "My sister hates me" perhaps the real truth is, "My sister needs more attention than I've been giving her." or "My sister really admires me, but doesn't know how to show it very well and uses sarcasm to cover her own feelings of inadequacy."

Truth is truth, but too often we accept things that simply are no longer true. Give it a shot, what things ARE absolutely true?

The Empty Cup

2010-05-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

“When the student is ready, the teacher comes.”

“What if the teacher comes before the student is ready?” I was asked.

Doesn’t work. No teacher can teach, no student can learn, if they are unwilling to turn their cup, rightside up.
Wanting to learn, is the genesis to learning . . . anything.

“A man convinced against his will, holds the same opinion still.”

Trying to teach an unwilling student, is just like pouring into a cup, that is upside down. You may give out all that precious information and wonderful experience, but it will just run around on the outside.

Then there are those who come with their cup upturned, but completely full of other ‘stuff’. A full cup can receive no more.

Come to a teacher

with an open,

empty cup,
Waiting to be filled,

and you will be. ~MSK

The Pen and Paper Principle

2010-04-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

As an old Chinese proverb goes: “The dullest pencil is better than the sharpest memory”. You may not entirely recall your brilliant ideas, but at least you’ll have a better stab at them if they are scrawled somewhere tangible.

Something that has helped me tremendously is just this simple. Keep a pen and paper (Or pencil if you prefer them) handy. A blackberry will do, or whatever you use that you can record your thoughts with easily and quickly. I’ve found that we forget things even epiphanies that we know will be life-altering. “Oh, I’ll remember that! It is perfect!” but lo and behold, you get home, and it has vanished like a humming-bird.

Even better, buy a notebook that is specifically for your ideas. Buy three. Keep one next to your bed (a pencil is best, for sleepy-eyes won’t be able to tell if the pen is actually writing or not!). Keep another in the kitchen, and a third in your car. (or maybe a small tape recorder is better for this. I have ‘voice notes’ on my phone, it seems that most of my good ideas come when I’m driving.)

It often matters far less what you write down, but that you actually write it. Sometimes the mere act of writing it solidifies an idea in your mind, so even if the slip of paper is lost or illegible, it helps.Sometimes, the mere act of having a pen and paper nearby. . . inspires.

Here is to remembering!

Map-Reading

2010-04-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

We have GPS, we have paper-maps, we have Google-maps and we have hand-drawn maps. It seems like everyone has someone who wants to show or tell them where to go, and how to get there. They can be very useful tools, however it is essential that you take a good look at that map and make certain it is the where you wish to be headed to.
Sometimes we have our parent’s life-map. We just go tootling on our way using their mind-set, their rules, their goals for us and their morality and beliefs. Sometimes we are content doing so, but other times, society’s map, the maps of our political party, our religious persuasion or our friends is called into question.
Tossing the 'baby out with the bathwater' happens almost as often as following blindly. Whereas people think that just because they didn't come up with a map themselves, and they are doing some introspection, the ‘old’ map must be faulty.   There is a caution here as well.

One of the very useful tools is to take inventory. It takes a good honest sit-down look at where you are and where you hope to be, but it is the first step to arriving there.

1.    Where do you want to arrive?
2.    Is the map you are using, bound to get you there?
3.    Where can you make new turns, explore a quicker way or use new roads?
4.    How far away are you? Do you need some mid-stopping points?
5.    What do you expect to find when you ‘arrive’?
6.    If you end up somewhere else, how will you make course corrections?
7.    When your course is mapped out, you have a destination in mind; do you feel joyful to be on your journey?

Coming UP

2010-04-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

For those following this blog, here are some of the up-coming topics I'll be sharing thoughts on in the next weeks:

Cultivate ceremonies of personal pleasure
Calm the Storm
Dancing through the Present
Attention Shift
Ecstasy in the Moment
Irritated by the Rub
Pen and Paper Principle
Don't push the River

Look forward! Follow this blog and find me on Facebook

Overload

2010-04-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

In our society today there is an overload. There is too much information to be usefully assimilated. There is too much food, too much waste, too many choices, too much good to do. That isn’t even looking on the negative side of the scale.   Ever just feel like giving up? That it is all just too much? I’ll confess that I have.

On those days however, somewhere in the mess of to-dos, want-tos and have-tos, seems to be this little voice whispering softly that only a few things really matter.   REALLY matter. Really MATTER. You know?

Like a juggler trying to learn, usually with some practice she can successfully get three objects in the air without dropping them all. When you add in a fourth however, that is an entirely different set of problems. So I submit that you pare your list down to three essentials; Just three.
What are the three very most important ideas, relationships, goals, people, dreams, whatever that you want to daily make certain get some focus?

JUST three.

(My secret is that I kept mine broad enough to have some wiggle room, and specific enough to be useful.)
1.
2.
3.

There, now don’t you feel better? These are the ONLY things that you must attend to each day. Everything else can be squeezed in where there is room.   If these have some daily, consistent attention, you’ll feel successful, even if a half-dozen other things do not.

Visiting vs. Packing Up and Moving In

2010-04-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

"Stick to the mundane and the exceptional can't help but shine through." ~ Elder Kevin Steed

Sometimes, I think that we don’t give ourselves enough credit. There is a huge difference between visiting a place, and packing up and moving in permanently. In our lives there are moments, sometimes days, when we just can’t seem to move forward. We allow ourselves to ruminate, dwell in emotionally charged places or wallow in self-pity and back-wards thinking. Then we sigh and berate ourselves for being so weak, and often give up because we just can’t be positive and progressive all the time.

I love San Francisco. I love the people, the electricity in the air, the tourists, the locals and the gorgeous variety. I grew up near “The City”, but never, not even once in my life. . . have I wanted to live there. It is a place I visit when I need the memories, the charge, the day’s vacation from normality. It is not a place I set up camp and settle into. While I recognize and respect and honor the variety, the excitement and the fun of the place, it isn’t a place for my morality, my productivity or my success.

Sometimes we have emotional places like that. A memory; An old situation, relationship or past success. There is not a problem with visiting those places. Recognizing their place in your past, or wish for the future, but there IS a problem if you pack up your present and move in. . . relinquishing your today to a memory or living in a fantasy that may never occur.

Honor where you have been from time to time. Give it an hour, even a day if you must, but then refocus, re-file it where it belongs and come home. . . to the present.

The Other Side of the Mirror

2010-03-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

Life Is An Echo
What you send out - comes back.
What you sow - you reap.
What you give - you get.
What you see in others - exists in you.
Pravs J

We went to see Alice in Wonderland the other day, in 3D, dorky glasses and all. I was thinking (surprise) during the whole down-side-up-side-down eye-feast, about what we really see in our world. For instance, the next day we went to San Francisco. There are people of every persuasion, financial, political, gender, race and intelligence there. There are beggars, street performers, tourists, locals and a whole lot of just regular folk.

A woman asked me for my 'spare change'. I don't have a lot, but I wondered. . . what if the world turned around, and I was the beggar, and she was the one all dressed in sequins on her way to see WICKED?

Do we ever really know the stories of the people we come across? Could it be, that the woman on the street corner had actually decided, even before she arrived in this place, at this time, in that skin, that she would be the one to teach me to look at the world from another angle? What if she knew that I would go on my merry way, never really considering the point of views of those who differed from me, unless she volunteered to be my nudge? Perhaps a silly example, but what about the father who is basically a louse? Alcoholic, poor provider, with a temper. . . but when the whole story is known, it turns out he was told that the only way his child would ever learn compassion and be able to fulfill their greatest potential, is if they had a difficult childhood. So he bowed in great agony, and said, "I'll do it so that my son will succeed".

Then in WICKED. . . "Are people born evil, or do they have evil thrust upon them?" Something to consider. We never really get the whole story. I know for myself, judgement is going to be even less common in my world. I just never know. . .

Follow Your Bliss

2010-03-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

Have you heard that before? Follow your bliss, and it will all be wonderful? I am the sort of person who reads. A lot. I love hearing what others think, how they describe and relate to the world, be it through fiction, science, history, esoterics or whatever. I enjoy the tidbits of wisdom that comes from all sources. I hear over and over again, in one form or another, to 'follow your bliss'.

It sounds wonderful doesn't it? Yet I get this sort of airy arms outspread-sort of feeling. Something that happens in movies, not in so-called 'real-life'. Then I discovered that perhaps I wasn't connecting with that statement because I wasn't sure what my bliss was. I know things I enjoy. I know some things I'm good at, but I'm not really sure what that ONE thing is, that I want to just drop everything else for and follow.

I realized, finally, that the path to finding it wasn't through a sit-down session with myself to struggle out and define and hone and scuplt a 'bliss'. I realized that it had to be something that whispered to me through all the other bits of noise, hidden values and good that surrounded my world. I found that the only way for it to be heard, was for me to be willing to really consider what price I was willing to pay for 'it'. Whatever it was. So I made a list.

Mine went something like this:

I have time. I am willing to give up a full two hour block daily to discovery and enrichment.
I have experience. I am willing to respect my past experiences for the lessons they have taught me.
I have some financial resources. I am willing to give up a few things I like and enjoy, to free-up more resources for growth.
I have emotional health. I am willing to let go and be vulnerable, where it is outside of my comfort-zone.
I have a healthy body. I am willing to fore-go treats, snacks (But not chocolate) and add the gym.

It went on, but you get the idea. As I wrote, one idea kept nudging me and I realized just what my personal bliss truly is. Perhaps this will help you. Try it, it takes about ten minutes.

*#*#*#*#*#

What Will I Give. . . to Have________________ ?

Define what you WANT-

be it a fabulous relationship; a successful career; a certain possession; or a physical change. . . then list what you have to give.

What can you do, be, see, share, acquire, that will move you closer towards deserving that desire?

I Want : __________________________________________________________

I Have: ____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________to give.

Click for a downloadable pdf - Of the above tool.

NO Thank you.

2010-03-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Are there times when you WISH you could just say those words? Are there times you do, but wish you didn't have to? How about those times when you OUGHT to, but don't? I heard something yesterday by a woman named Byron Katie. She said basically that when she got her life in balance, smoking 'quit' her. That guilt and rage 'quit' her.

I loved that perspective. Wouldn't it be wonderful if our little annoying habits would just 'quit'? No more temptation, no more grinding against will, no more 'trying' or struggle, just a simple 'No Thank You', and away they would wander to pest someone else.

Is it wholly possible that this can happen?

What if, when one of those little pesky temptations comes knocking, we can simply and confidently say, "No Thank You", and replace it with something we DO want in our lives. No more trying to justify, no more 'just this one last time', not even a fleeting, 'I really don't want it to go away, really. . . ' but a firm, honest and clear, "No thank you. . . I'm moving on."

Just try it. I'm going to. Maybe you can come back and share your experiences.

This attraction thing.

2010-03-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've been following with interest, a good share of skepticism, and some real curious occurences; the hype about the law of attraction. This doesn't mean (for those still untouched by the 'Secret' and other self-help gurus) the cute woman walking by, or the good-looking guy who just smiled at you. It basically is explained as karma, what you give out you get back, or universal magnetism. (More or less).

Let me give you a few examples. I always get a great parking spot. Always. I drive into a 'full' parking lot yesterday, just across the street from where I want to go, and there isn't one single spot! I couldn't believe it. Then I thought, "Well, where is the guy who was pulling out for me?" Sort of tongue-in-cheek and all (Wait, can you have your tongue in your cheek if you are just thinking something? Ugh, nevermind). So I shrug and start to pull out. Just at the driveway, a car pulls up next to me and honks. I look over and he is motioning to the spot he just left. My parking place! Weird huh? Then my daughter said, "I was JUST thinking, 'Mom always gets a spot. . . "

Then there is the uncanny truth, that no matter what time of day, no matter how tired I am, no matter anything, if I take a nap, the phone WILL ring. Curious thing ever. It has never failed. Not once.

I don't believe in accidents, so this just might be the thing that explains a lot of odd things in my life. Today I called a friend I haven't spoken to in a year, to ask a favor. Just after 'hello' I hear, "Oh my Gosh (Ok, that wasn't the word, but I don't take the Lord's name in vain, anywhere, for any reason. . . ) I was JUST thinking about you and wishing I could call you."

You aren't convinced yet? Well how about the science of it? The fact that everything is vibration. That a human cell 700 miles away from its human origin will become disturbed if the human is disturbed, instantaneously. That the body is affected by thought, which is vibration, which then affects the world around the thought as those vibrations shift. Simple stuff to prove with biochemistry, just ask Candace Pert.

Image from www.hohohochristmas.com don't you just love it?

All of this has me thinking.
I know that some things just aren't ready to be done.
I know that nothing is an accident.
I know that something can be gained from every experience.

What I am not sure of, is how to actually mold, remain on the highest vibration and banish pessimism and negativity from my sphere. Can I attract that knowledge please? I'll even throw in a great massage. . .

Arriving Where You Began

2010-02-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like, no matter how long you work to conquer something; no matter how many times you have lost ten lbs; or gotten ahead in the fast lane; or eliminated that nasty habit; you look out at the road ahead and find you weigh the same thing you did a year ago; you are right behind that stupid over-jacked truck; and here you are again indulging in your favourite sin.

No? Great! (now tell me how. . . ) Unfortunately, like the figure eight train track, retracing the same path again and again, I often feel that way. I get all fired up and I make amazingly (or so I think) simplified and obtainable goals, I make a plan, I even work my plan and have great success! Then, one stormy night months later, I take stock and find out that I'm right back at square one. (I'm mixing metaphors aren't I?)

So, I decided that there has to be a reason for it. There has to be some amazingly simple principle that I am completely missing and I'll smack myself upside the head when I 'get it'. Then I did. Life is a figure eight. It isn't about stepping from one place to another and never looking back. That is why the words, home, remember, renew, rediscover, connect and return have such emotional responses attached to them. We like seeing things again. We love coming upon somewhere that we know, and having information to share about the last experience we had with it.

I thought then, that perhaps, just perhaps, instead of 'you should have known better!' and 'why can't you put this to rest!' and 'here we go again. . .' being nasty self-discouraging lectures, I might just do better if I looked at my returnings as a blessing. Perhaps the ten lbs I've put on since my wedding are each beautiful memories. One, I'm sure, was from the thanksgiving dinner at our house with all seven of our children in attendance and a bounty spread out across two rooms. Another was the dark chocolate covered peanuts that my husband bought me at the race track to keep me happy while he thrilled to the sport I was just trying to understand. Oh, and we can't forget the pound put on after we ate the candy-house my grandbabies and I build at our "Ahma's party". No, instead, I'll be grateful for each of them, and look forward to the new gym membership I'll enjoy with my husband, the hours I have to get back into Yoga, which I have dearly missed and the excitement I'll feel when my skinny jeans are just a titch loose again.

Publish Post

So. . .here is to returning. Many places are worth a second (or third or fourth. . . ) visit.

(Photo from Prague)

Stress and Chocolate

2010-02-19T11:29:00.000-08:00

So, the data is in, and for those of us who already LOVE dark chocolate, it is a boon. "The sweet stuff might lower our stress hormones." Might? Ok, I can attest, it does. Those who actually eat a little bit (stressing the LITTLE in the bit part) of dark (again, note the DARK) chocolate every day for two weeks showed the most improvement in stress levels.

Why am I spending the time and attention to this little detail in my sliver of cyber-society? Sure, I love dark chocolate, but some folks don't. The point then for me, was not just that this little treat can lower stress levels, but on a larger scale, anything that you do for yourself, indulge in just a little, can have the same affect. However, the caution remains that a 'little' goes a long way. Few of us berate ourselves for a tiny bit of pleasure. It is when we over-indulge, over-do, over-spend, that we look back with remorse. Those of us who never take the time to reward ourselves for simply making it through another day, are those who are most stressed and find that each day brings more of the same instead of the joy and fulfillment we so crave.

Now and again give yourself a BIG indulge in a favourite treat. Nothing horrible, or completely against your principles of course, but an hour massage is magical. A movie with popcorn can do wonders. A phone call to a favourite person and a chat with your feet up, a few hours of fishing or golf or whatever it is that makes you be grateful to be alive. Just do it. Now and again respect yourself enough to receive.

Then, next time you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment, just a little moment, to give yourself a tiny treat. Dark chocolate is it for me, and scientifically proven to be good for me!

The Soul Made Visible

2010-02-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

"My business is not ot remake myself, But make the absolute bet of what God made." ~ Robert Browning

As I have struggled with challenges, insecurities and darkness, I've learned one very important thing. Light and darkness can not exist in the same place at the same time. A very helpful mental tool that has done wonders for me, is the thought of a switch. I marvel at electricity. I don't understand it fully, but I respect it and know how much it infuses my day. Thus it is not a far stretch for me to visualize in dazzling detail, the concept of a switch turning on, or off. . . something.

When I have those pesky pessimistic thoughts, I can pause, mentally 'turn off the switch' and miraculously the thoughts fade away as if they were now literally 'in the dark'.

I have also been able to 'turn on the switch' mentally of energy, a good habit, or more optimistic thoughts.

Sara BanBreathnach says "The authentic self is the soul made visible."

I loved that. In a world where we are becoming increasingly 'visible' in blogs, YouTube, reality shows, social media, even our connections day to day, it is essential that we allow ourselves to be exactly who we are.
Switching on the power in my own life brought me great rewards, but I had to ask. I had to consciously and with great intent, consider what light I wished to turn on, and where I wanted that light concentrated. When I do that, it happens, in abundance.

Where do you desire more light? What switches are you no longer using and could turn off? I'd love to hear about it.

MSK

The dismissive power of “but.”

2010-02-02T22:58:00.000-08:00

"You look great in that. . . but. . . "
"I loved it, but. . . "
"Well, I thought it was successful, but. . ."
"I love you but. . . "

How do each of these make you feel? If you are like me, you cringe every time you hear that 'but'. Beware of the buts. They are the place where the previous positive (usually) comment gets diminished and often discarded entirely. Even when used in the reverse, the positive comment is weakened by the 'but'.

"It could use some polishing, but. . ."
"If you worked harder you could improve, but. . . "
"I didn't like dinner much, but. . ."

While this makes for a better feeling, how about replacing the buts in your life with 'and'? This does the job of allowing the positive comment to remain on its own and refuse to be diminished by the next statement.

"You look great in that. . . and. . . "
"I loved it, and. . . "
"Well, I thought it was successful, and. . ."
"I love you and. . . "

So even if it ends up being something like

"You look great in that. . . and. . .the length is just a bit short."

Instead of immediately going into defensive mode, you have the power to pause and consider each statement individually. There is a great power in 'and'. Inclusive statements draw people, thoughts and ideas closer. Dismissive ones merely pushes them apart.

Try it, you may just end up finding that the buts in your life get filed into the 'seldom used' pile along with the "Shoulds", "ought tos", and "can'ts."

Yodaish Wisdom

2010-01-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

"So sure are you. With you it is always, 'I can not.'"

Do you have little voices in your head too? Not the ones that mean you are crazy, (at least not entirely so) but the ones coming from your best or worst selves, telling what 'reality' is; What you can not have, what you can not do, what you can not be?

What if you could? What if you didn't listen to the worst part of you, and only listened to the Yodaish wisdom of the best part of you? Could you change how you feel? Your life? How you look at your future? Your past?

I learned about a little game. It is playful and fun and just makes you feel good. It is from Abraham-hicks.com and is called the 'What if' game. (Or Wouldn't it be great if. . . )

Basically, you merely take where you are, and shift your focus to another true, but more 'feel good' place of possibilities.

For instance. My husband wants a truck. We aren't currently in a position to go out and buy a new truck. He could then, logically and realistically look at the perfect Harley-model F-150 in the next lane and say, "I'll never have that truck. Why bother looking at it? I'd have to get another job to afford it and then I'd never have time to enjoy it." All of which are honest, realistic and probably true. . .but. . . they do NOT make either of us feel very good. Instead, we can change it around to equally true statements like, "What if I was driving that truck right now?" "What if someone gave me that truck?" "What if I put a photo of that truck by my computer to inspire me?" All of these statements are just as true, and definitely make us both happier and in a better mood. Nothing has changed but what we've chosen to focus on.

Try it. What if all your dreams came true? Wouldn't it be great?

"So positive are you. Think you that anything is possible?"

I do.

Once I was young. . .

2010-01-26T04:56:00.000-08:00

Today I am Fifty.

While that might have an ominous ring to it (and believe me it does), I also look back at what that means. I have lived thus far, a good life for the most part. Far from story-book perfection, but certainly better than 98% of the world's population. That brings me to the topic of gratitude. While there are certainly some grumbles associated with a new decade before me, mostly I find that I am increasingly aware and grateful for all that I have NOT had to experience, and all that I have been blessed to.

My memories are a collection of happy experiences, delightful and loving connections and educational encounters. Before me is a wide open expanse of possibilities. The mirror could be more gentle, and yet it is possibly a pretty good friend with a bit of gentle chiding mixed in with the honest appraisal to be found there. It could be worse afterall.

50 years ago, I came into this world with a holler. I suspect that I'm entering my next decade with one as well, albeit a sort of inner one. It can be a struggle to face change head on. It can be daunting, frightening, a little discouraging with a touch of mourning for what you are leaving behind as well. It can also be exhilarating, fresh, hopeful and exciting. I expect that the key is to decide which to simply acknowledge with respect, and which to embrace and focus on.

Looking over the collection of 'what is', I find a delightful assortment of people who love and support me; physical objects that bring back lovely memories and bring joy and delight; health and opportunities; a supportive and loving husband and children who adore me and let me know they do. I am blessed with a rich spiritual life and knowledge of my divinity. I have a career helping others find their own joy and success. Who could be unhappy with all the major things in place? Besides, I have two of the greatest, my beautiful and intelligent and delightful grandbabies on the planet.

Life is good.

Bring it on.

Pioneering Today

2010-01-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

(Photo from: http://www.roguerivertrips.info)

“The return of good times is not wholly a matter of money. There is prosperity to living which is quite as important as prosperity of the pocketbook. It is not enough to be willing to make the best of things as they are. Resignation will get us nowhere. We must build what amounts to a new country. We must revive the ideals of the founders. We must learn the new values of money. It is time for pioneering – to create a new security for the house and the family…Where we were specialists in spending, we are now becoming specialists in living.” This editorial is from the Ladies Home Journal in October, but I'm not going to tell you what year just yet.

I chose the above photo to go with today's thoughts because my husband is a fisherman. He absolutely loves the outdoors, the thrill of the chase, the idea of conquering. I come from rich pioneer stock. I'm often awed by my ancestry and the things these women suffered and overcame. These are difficult times. These are days with worry and financial concerns, health issues and even safety and security issues knocking constantly at our doors. Yes we press on.

"It is not enough to be willing to make the best of things as they are." - Like our pioneer grandmothers, we too are adventurors. We are in our own 'great outdoors' with so many things luring us in, vying for our time, our attention and our resources. I loved the conclusion, "We are now becoming specialists in living." We are making hard choices, and looking forward. We are living in the moment and recognizing our worth. We are reaching further and doing more, but sometimes I fear we do not give ourselves enough credit. Our contributions are valuable and measurable. What is our new security? It is in the knowledge that we are not alone, we are not insignificant and we are not left without resources.

Today's pioneers are people who are willing to face the challenges with an attitude of curious optimism. People who look back for ideas, hints and inspiration, but then take those bits of wisdom and apply them in new and exciting ways to the events of their present. We are remembering what worked in the past, and are willing to choose new ways, new ideas while incorporating true ideals. We are the people of tomorrow, yes, but more importantly, we are the people of today.

The quote is from Octobor 1932. Funny how real truths do not change.

Conformity

2010-01-21T12:22:00.000-08:00

I attended a lecture once where the speaker showed a video. It began with a man in an elevator. After a short bit, other people entered. They all faced the back of the elevator. The original man, obviously very confused, turned around and stood facing the back of the elevator also. This continued as the group of people changed directions or took off heir hats. Different people would be the 'odd man out'. It was curious to watch how some would nonchalantly clear their throats and inch into conformity, while others would immediately follow the crowd. Which type are you? None of those shown continued to do their 'own thing' without regard to the majority.

Sometimes it is essential to 'fit in'. Life would be chaotic if people were so obstinate that they refused to do anything that 'everyone else was doing' for instance, sitting quietly in a church, saluting the flag, following traffic signals as per the laws of the land. However, there is plenty of time in our lives where conformity is not only unnecessary, but damaging as well.

There is much said of late of being 'authentic'. How do I know if I am or not? How do you? Do we examine ourselves through the mirror of society? Our family? Our religious convictions? Is it even possible to ignore all of those, and be an 'individual'? So many of the (and I'll pick on teens for the purpose of their notoriety at trying to be different) groups that are known to be going against social 'norms', actually only succeed in being 'differently' the same. They dress alike, act similarly, patronize the same groups and even 'hang out' at the same places.

Where do you refuse to conform?

I have always thought of myself as a bit 'different'. But I was sorely disappointed to learn that in a national poll, 65% of the participants described themselves as 'unique'. Wouldn't that then make being 'unique' the 'norm'? Hummmm.

Perhaps the answer lies in our reasons for conformity and non-conformity. As long as we realize that we are acting in a certain way, making certain choices because those are the choice that WE wish to make, I believe we are being authentic and unique. When we examine our motives and find (embarrassingly so) that we are merely going along with the crowd because it is 1. easier, 2. expected but we don't want to really. 3. mindlessly or 4. As a victim; it may be time to reaccess our choices and consider what our gut truly urges us to change.

Healthy choices are made with thoughtful consideration as to motive, consequence and authenticity. SO go ahead, stand backwards in the elevator if you really want to. Listen to Frank Sinatra even if your friends think you are nuts. Take a rappelling class even if you are over 50. . .but for goodness sakes, please don't decide that red lights no longer apply to you.

Branding

2010-01-19T11:37:00.000-08:00

Who are you?

In our current society, that seems to be the buzz-word for almost any endevor. We Tweet ourselves, we Blog ourselves, we Facebook and Spacebook (Yeah, I know it is wrong) and put ourselves 'out there' in so many levels. What does all of this say about us?

Socrates' guiding wisdom was to , "Know Thyself." Does this mean that everyone else must know us too? What does the world know about me? If you enter my name into google (depending on if you use my name now, my name a year ago, or my 'online name' Chantaclair) you'll get hundreds of returns. Will that compilation actually allow anyone to understand and know me?

Perhaps they will believe so, and yet I'm not certain that I know myself fully even yet. Life is a series of knowing. Knowing what I want, who I am, who I was, who I can be, all rattle around my thoughts. Do they yours as well?

I've learned that branding, presenting, knowing, is all about who I wish to present myself as. In different venues I allow different attributes, success and even failures to be made public. This allows the relationships to be as intimate or as formal as I am comfortable with. Here on this blog for instance, I allow my thoughts to be known. There are few details of my personal life, my wishes or my dreams, because that is not my intent. As a life-coach, it is better for a client to know me professionally, and thus allow the relationship to remain at a certain helpful distance.

Who am I? I expect I am many different things to many different people, but in the end, who I am to myself is possibly the most powerful knowing of them all.

Battle of the Sexes

2010-01-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

Carol Gilligan says that "Women perceive things in terms of relationships and connections and men perceive things in terms of individuality and autonomy" .

(Borrowed the graphic from "Indivisible, a Marriage Strengthener" - David Shaffer)

Whether or not you agree with her, it is an interesting topic and certainly one that society perpetuates. Perhaps though, it would be better if we did both, took a nice long look at what we are alike in, and what we differ in.

For myself, I know it is very true. However, I'm also a Blue, an Aquarian, a Redhead and an INFJ. All of which equates to RELATIONSHIPS. . .

It may be hard-wired in us, as the 'gatherers' vs the 'hunters' in our genetic coding. Our ancestors moved together in groups, watching each other's backs, picking up what her neighbor missed and chatting and assisting the group. The hunters on the other hand went out often in groups, but groups that separated silently, watched each other's backs, but focused side by side rather than face to face, and sought their own prowess and to prove their worth.

Everything I do almost, has to do with some relationship in my life. Every resource I expend, has to do with improving, repairing or maintaining one of those relationships. For my husband, I'm not sure it is the same. While the people in his life are important, so is fishing. Going out, casting in his luck and skill, and hopefully, ultimately capturing with his prowess, ingenuity and brute strength. . . the prize. His focus is to NOT need anyone else (even me), but to WANT them. There is his power. His autonomy. (I hope he'll forgive me for psychoanalyzing him publicly. . . he hates that.)

How do we then mesh the seemingly opposite core needs?

I've learned that it has to do less with compromise and adjustment (That many self-help guru's will recommend) and more to do with simply first SEEING that everyone isn't just like me, and then allowing them that privilege. While my needs don't change with that insight, my expectations do. Expectations that are unmet, are often the biggest fuel for discontentment. If I understand that someone's core value is NOT relationships, but perhaps success, or enjoyment or even simplicity, then I am able to say, "I understand" and release my expectations or reform them. That brings balance.

Profound Connection

2010-01-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

I was reading something today that really bothered me. I love 'the Comfort Queen' by Jennifer Louden. She is funny, insightful and very helpful in creating an abundant life. However, sometimes it is very evident that my goals and morality separates me from even those that I admire. She said something to the affect of, "My connection and commitment with my women's group is as strong as with my marriage." I find that highly disturbing. Perhaps that is the very essence of why so many marriages fail. We do not initially, or internally place them in the highest regard. We no long respect their place in our lives as not merely another relationship, but as the first human relationship, second only to that with the Divine.

If we are 'ONE'. . . it is impossible to disconnect from our mate and put that relationship in a compartment. We can not expect to have a thriving fulfilled marriage, if we are merely placing it on the save level as a woman's group, other extended family members, career relationships, even best friends or children. To have a Profound Connection, it is essential that we first and foremost place the marriage mentally, priority and emotionally at the very top of our focus.

This does not mean that we disappear inside of it. Far from that. We must, if we are to remain vibrant and connected, stay in touch with what we want most and how that is related to our partnership. Instead of 'having to' adjust what we do, desire and expend our energies on, the only way to obtain that profound connection is to WANT to. It must be our deepest desire, our superseding focus and our richest reward.

When we become 'one', we truly can not think in terms of 'mine' any longer. Everything we think, do, consider, experience, share, fear and rejoice in, is connected to our partner. That is when the connection becomes profound. That is when our intimate life becomes something sacred, even holy. That is when our spirituality meshes so firmly with our emotions and our physicality, that we become fully one.

IF Ye are not One, Ye are not Mine. . . (D&C 38:27).

Health and Illness and Downtime

2010-01-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

There are days when we all feel a bit 'under the weather'. Days when we aren't up to our usual energetic and productive selves, we tend to write them off and (after they are over of course) actually almost enjoy the 'down time'. Then there are weeks that stretch on and you feel like you'll never be 'back'. That can be daunting on your enthusiasm and outlook. It feels like things might not ever be back to 'normal' and even starts to sort of feel like 'normal' is this icky-less-than-well feeling of being ill.

So, what is the good news? How do we filter through all the negative self-talk and the iggling little deamon on our shoulder who keeps whispering that we will never feel good again? The only answer I've found, is to embrace the feeling of 'unwellness' with a stipend that it is only temporary. Even as the 24-hour expected flu turns into a three-day 'something' and then after a day of 'almost-but-not-quite' day of feeling better, the nasties descend once more. As I look over my to-do list and the demands on my resources, energy and time, I realize that the world has a way of insiting it gets its way. Perhaps this is a time for me to do less. Perhaps this is a time to shift focus from doing, and reach deeper into the BE-ing part of myself.

A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses.~ Hippocrates (460 BC - 377 BC), Regimen in Health

So, to Health, contemplation, quiet and slow recovery.

Life Coaching

2010-01-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Many have asked 'What is a Life-Coach'. In our crazy world, there are so many resources and challenges to face. While therapists are highly beneficial in many cases, most of us don't feel comfortable, nor do we actually require therapy. The difference is one of focus. In Life-coaching, we look forward. We determine the resources you already have, the areas where you most would like to focus and we share and discover and uncover and rediscover the tools to move forward.

Looking at why we arrived where we are if we are lost can be helpful, but usually it is more helpful to see where we want to go, and how to get there from where we are currently. It may be interesting to see where we went wrong, but where we take the next step is really the only thing that will get us up and moving.

Like a fitness coach, or a business coach, or even a relationship coach, a life-coach has the tools, the ability and the skills to guide you along your own personal path to success and balance.

Marsha Keller CLC CMT

Here are a few of my favourite life-coaching tools and blogs:

Elia Gourgoris - Life Coach
Beliefnet.com

Does Motivation Last?

2010-01-04T07:53:00.000-08:00

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. ~ Zig Ziglar

New year, new chances, new goals, new resolutions. New, new, new. . . like a just-made baby, we love new things. We love the smells, the freshness, the ability to forget the old and start over again. Still, it descends on us too often shortly after the newness has worn off, and we wonder why it doesn't last.

There is something inherently beautiful about renewal.

Empty to be Filled

I've often wondered
about the rhythms of life
the emptying
the sleeping
the eating.

Why are we so high maintenance?
Why must I be interrupted to pause?
What are the lessons to be taught?

Insomniac ponderings
about the stillness of rest,
the natural purging
of impurities
and the hunger to being attended to
caught my attention.

Why can we not go forever
without sleep?
Why must we pause
to allow our bodies to fill
and empty
time and again?

Then, as I lay in sleepless quiet
it occurred to me
the lessons I needed to learn.

That the emptying
was as important as the filling.
To leave room for more,
I needed to toss the old.

Old thoughts, possessions
even relationships. . .
so that there was room
for the new, the updated
the fresh.

I realized my quiet
was as much 'being'
as my busyness.
That my mind was as productive
in my velvet night pause
as in my productive moments
of brainstorming.

I learned that I must refuel
my soul, my spirit
my body. . . often.
It isn't something glanced at once
then left to languish into disrepair.
Not in my being,
Not in my home
Not in my relationships
Not in my family
or education
or spiritual nurturing
or emotional health.

The natural rhythms of the physical
is merely a lesson
for the whole.

Empty to be full.
Fill to be renewed
Be still to refresh.
''Being'' is more than 'doing'.

---<--{@ Marsha Steed Keller

This year I'm going to work on BEing. The Now. The today in my forever. I want to simplify more, live richer, notice more and live my best life, especially when no one is around to notice.